What’s a
book review without a final score? It’s easy to understand, pleasantly digestible,
and forces the reviewer to put up or shut up. By those standards, the ultimate
scoring system was Siskel & Ebert’s “thumbs up, thumbs down”. With a flick of their digits, they rendered a binary
judgment requiring no conscious effort by their audience.
My scoring
system, however, is more nuanced. By aping the standard 5-Star system found in fine websites everywhere, I'm able to provide shades of meaning. Unlike the “star” rating
system, though, (“I give Basket Case five stars!”),
I like to use skulls as my cardinal symbols:
Awesome on top of awesome. Absolutely no qualifiers to the breathless adoration heaped upon such a masterpiece. To not shout its praises from the rooftop would be a crime against humanity; to not read it, a betrayal of one’s soul.
Really good. This is a story you must
read, and soon. It will possess at least one aspect of sublime execution, if
not more. Almost certainly guaranteed to inform you and stay with you.
Good enough to read, but not so
good you would stay home and pass up a good party.
Mostly drivel. You won’t go on a
rampage, but you will find it difficult to finish. And if you do, you’ll always
wonder about what you might have been doing with all that time.
Putrid toxic waste. If you’re
going to read a 1-Skuller all the way through, you might as well be sitting on
a pineapple while you do.
Completely without any redeeming
value whatsoever. This will scar you permanently, and, depending on your
situation in life, probably scar your offspring, as well.
